*Talk* the Part - A Glossary of Terms Sure to Make You're "That Guy" in Your Foursome

Learning to play golf, as I'm learning at costs both financial and emotional, is difficult.  Learning to play the part of golfer, on the other hand, is infinitely less difficult.  A few UnderArmour polos, white belt with ostentatious logo buckle and a classy visor seem to be all it takes to look the part.  It's easy.  Too easy in fact.  So much so that no longer can the inept golfer hide his or her shortcomings via wardrobe alone.  No, friend, to truly convince the group that your terrible performance is out of character, you must *become* a character - and as any Hollywood hopeful will tell you, characters are built with wardrobe and dialogue.  To assist you in fully playing the part, here's a glossary of cutting-edge golf terms sure to convince everyone from the caddies to the rangers that you're "in the know."

• A Danny DeVito: An ugly four-footer.  (Ex: "I would've parred that hole if it weren't for that downhill Danny DeVito.")
• Jester's Dead: Encountering two bogies.  (Ex: "He played fine on the front, but once he turned the corner he was all Jester's Dead.")
• Pulling a Snookie: Knocking a short hole stiff.  (Ex: "If it wasn't for him pulling a Snookie on the 17th tee shot he would never have birdied that hole."  Etymology: MTV's Jersey Shore).
• Swing Grease: Any alcohol consumed on the course during play.  (Ex: "I can't hit to save my life today, but that's nothing a little swing grease can't fix.")
• Gilligan: Taking a mulligan....*on a mulligan*; i.e., taking two consecutive mulligans. (Ex: "His score isn't as good as it looks once you factor in that he took a Gilligan on the 11th tee shot.")
• Enron: A player with the habit of recording scores not quite representative of the score actually logged on the hole. (Ex: "Don't worry about him beating you, he's a complete Enron and had at least an 8 on the 16th hole even though his card shows 5.")
• Neil Patrick Harris: A shot that looked straight early on but turned out to be anything but.  (Ex: "My tee shot was a total Neil Patrick Harris, so much so that it took me five minutes to find the ball.")
• OB/GYN: Out on the course, a player that's finding the hole....like it's his job.